Swamp Gas Journal - 1996 Special Issue 4

Magazine Overview

Title: The SWAMP GAS JOURNAL
Issue: Special Issue #4
Date: Spring, 1996
Publisher: Chris Rutkowski
ISSN: 0707-7106
Country: Canada

This special issue of The Swamp Gas Journal presents a unique theory by Chris Rutkowski, titled "Alien Incompetency Theory: A Unified Theory to Explain UFO Phenomena." The article, developed by members of Ufology Research of Manitoba (UFOROM), proposes that the wide array of conflicting and bizarre elements within the UFO phenomenon can be explained by a single, simple tenet: aliens are incompetent.

Alien Incompetency Theory (AINT)

The core of the article is the detailed exposition of AINT. Rutkowski argues that rather than attributing complex phenomena to advanced alien intelligence, one should consider the possibility of alien ineptitude. This theory is applied to various subfields of ufology, including alien abductions, crash retrievals, crop circles, and the Men in Black (MIBs).

Alien Abductions

One of the primary examples used to support AINT is alien abductions. The theory questions why aliens, supposedly possessing advanced technology and millennia of development, fail to create effective mental blocks that prevent abductees from recalling their experiences. The article notes that hypnosis techniques, often used to unlock these memories, are easily duplicable by stage magicians, suggesting a flaw in the aliens' methods. Vladimir Simosko, an associate of UFOROM, offers alternative explanations such as alien humor or a deliberate desire for humans to remember, but the article leans towards incompetence. Further evidence from abduction accounts includes aliens claiming origins from places like Venus or the Pleiades, which are scientifically unsuitable for life, suggesting misinformation or a lack of knowledge. The theory also highlights instances where abductees report clothing being mixed up or worn incorrectly (e.g., lavender underwear not owned by the abductee, slippers on the wrong feet, earrings worn backwards), which are presented as evidence of aliens failing to grasp basic human customs and details.

Postulates of AINT

Simosko further refines AINT with four postulates:
1. If aliens are trying to "help us along," they are incompetent because it's not working; humans remain unsophisticated.
2. If aliens are holding us back, it's also ineffective, as some humans are raising their consciousness.
3. If aliens are trying *not* to intervene, they are even more incompetent.
4. If different alien groups have conflicting agendas, it proves their incompetence because they cannot "get their act together."

Crash Retrievals

The theory extends to crash retrievals, using the Roswell incident of 1947 as a prime example. Rutkowski questions why a supposedly advanced alien craft would crash, attributing it to pilot or driver error. He argues that an alien pilot capable of interstellar travel should be able to navigate a thunderstorm, and the inability to do so points to incompetence. The article suggests that the frequency of claimed saucer crashes implies many aliens have difficulty flying their vehicles.

Crop Circles and Men in Black (MIBs)

Crop circles are interpreted as another form of alien communication that is poorly executed. The complex mathematical patterns and obscure symbols are seen as an inefficient way to convey messages, suggesting aliens lack exemplary communication skills. The article questions why aliens wouldn't simply send a radio message or write in English. The Men-in-Black (MIBs) are also analyzed through the lens of AINT. Their described characteristics—olive or grey pallor, wide staring eyes, jerky movements, stilted speech, and unfamiliarity with human customs (e.g., responding literally to a colloquialism)—are presented as evidence that their attempts to mimic humans are flawed, thus demonstrating incompetence.

Contactees and Alien Doubletalk

Contactees' accounts of knowledge imparted by alien mentors are also scrutinized. The variety of alien origins and messages, coupled with the aliens' frequent claims that Earth is "not ready" for the knowledge or vague explanations about "parallel vibrational states," is seen as alien "doubletalk and bafflegab." Rutkowski suggests this indicates the aliens themselves lack answers or information, rather than being superior beings.

Abduction Implants and Logic

Even the implants found in abductees are examined. The inconsistency in their size, shape, and composition, along with their placement in various body parts, is presented as evidence against a consistent scientific methodology, suggesting alien doctors might not know what they are doing. The article questions why aliens would abduct people from lower social strata rather than those in positions of authority, suggesting they might not know to do so.

Parallels to Human Bureaucracy

Rutkowski draws parallels between the perceived illogical actions of aliens and the inefficiencies found in human systems, particularly bureaucracy. He points to bureaucratic infighting delaying the space station construction, NASA's financial struggles, politicians' contradictory actions (e.g., lobbying against cigarettes while subsidizing tobacco farmers), and the general ineffectiveness of governments. The article posits that bureaucratic bungling, political wrangling, and general ineptitude are responsible for many global problems, and that politicians and bureaucrats often create confusion because they lack understanding.

Conclusion of AINT

The theory concludes that a highly-evolved technical civilization would likely send its most ineffective members, its politicians and bureaucrats, on interstellar voyages. These individuals, being incompetent, would be confused, clumsy, and unable to effectively communicate their purpose or capabilities. The article suggests that the government cover-up of UFO crashes also demonstrates human bureaucratic incompetence. Therefore, AINT offers a unified explanation for the bizarre aspects of the UFO phenomenon by assuming aliens are the most incompetent examples of their race, akin to human bureaucrats.

Recurring Themes and Editorial Stance

The recurring theme throughout this issue is the application of the "Alien Incompetency Theory" (AINT) to explain various UFO phenomena. The editorial stance, as presented by Chris Rutkowski, is critical of traditional ufological explanations and proposes a novel, albeit humorous, perspective that reinterprets evidence of alien encounters as indicators of alien ineptitude rather than advanced intelligence. The article encourages ufologists to reconsider their approach by understanding this "situation."